“Multiverse Montage”

GAY CHARLIE:
In high school I was closeted— well, wouldn’t you be too?
‘Cause kids can be such dicks sometimes— well, we all know it’s true.
So when I came to college, it just felt like breaking free.
I knew it was my chance to be the guy I want to be.
Plus it was getting obvious— I mean, just look at me.

CHARLIE & GIRL CHARLIE:
It’s been a pleasure, Charlie.
Hope things work out for you.
We’re sorry that we have to go
so soon...

GIRL CHARLIE: There’s another one! Still not him, though.

CHARLIE: Where do you think he’s going?

DIVORCE CHARLIE:
My parents always had their troubles, right there from the start.
But in my first few months here, things completely fell apart.
They started fighting constantly, just screaming till they’re hoarse,
and almost unavoidably, they’re getting a divorce.
So now I’m headed home to try to be a calming force.

CHARLIE & GIRL CHARLIE:
It’s been a pleasure, Charlie.
Hope things work out for you.
We’re sorry that we have to go
so soon...

CHARLIE: It’s me in the army!

GIRL CHARLIE: Don’t get too excited. It could just be you going to a costume party.

ARMY CHARLIE:
I never saw myself as quite the military type.
I used to watch those TV ads and think that they were tripe.
But call it patriotism, call it pure stupidity.
I somehow felt this sense of duty calling out to me.
So I’m deferring school a while to join the military.

CHARLIE & GIRL CHARLIE:
It’s been a pleasure, Charlie.
Hope things work out for you.
We’re sorry that we have to go
so soon...

CHARLIE:
You were right, there’s tons of us—
GIRL CHARLIE:
We’ve only scraped the surface.
And aren’t all these versions of us making you feel nervous?
CHARLIE:
‘Cause you or I could each be them, but for a twist of fate.
GIRL CHARLIE:
Well, I for one am hoping no more Charlies lie in wait.

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